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We're all used to the same tedious and monotonous routine we follow each week, consisting of five work/school days, and two measley days left over to do what we'd actually like to do.
Friday is barely considered anything, since half of it is made up of school, going home, and having only a few hours left over to do whatever it is you're planning on doing. People don't even go out on Friday nights which usually ends up in you watching TV over the couch. Saturday seems like the only true day to have fun, because you don't have to wake up early, and on top of that, you dont have to go to sleep early either! Sunday is where this all goes wrong. Firstly, it's unfortunate because even though you're still allowed to sleep in, you know you can't stay up late and party at night, since the next morning is just back to the original track of waking up early, having barely any free time, and going to sleep late. In addition, we all know that Sunday is the global "I Guess I'll Start Doing my Homework Day."
This past three day weekend, however, has made me realize that we need to take more extreme measures to receive hard-earned and well-deserved three day weekends, starting on Fridays. Fridays will stay as Fridays because we can't have Thursdays be the new Fridays, which gives Mondays the perfect opportunity! Mondays will have a whole new meaning to them. From sluggish Monday morning traffic illand the smell of that "off to work" coffee, it'll become the day we've all been searching for: the day to relax, yet finish running last minute errands and homework. Saturdays will still remain as the global party day, which means Sunday you can still start your homework, yet feel on top of your schedule, since you know Monday will be there to fall back upon. Sunday nights you can do something low key and laid back, which means you won't have trouble seeping even earlier on Monday night either!Who even came up with the idea that weekdays need to be five days and weekends need to be two days? Was it a workaholic man, was it the government, or maybe just a body of people who had nothing better to do? Whoever or whatever it is, their idea needs to be changed to a 4 to three weekday to weekend amount!
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Mood:
cheerful
Personally, the past 2 months have been extreme. I'm not going to get into meticulous details about what has occured, but all I will say is that it has caused me to test my limits, especially with others. Much has happened, but one thing has really gotten me to question my surroundings and life itself. I didn't want to get into this in a blog, however, I feel like everytime I try to write about something now, my tone is incredibly fatalistic, or emo, or pessimistic. And of course, I wish I could just pour it all out, but instead I'll touch base with it.
It started with a personal choice. Little was I aware of all that would follow. Had I been aware..? I don't know.
However, this personal choice, which wasn't anybody's business or anybody's interest suddenly became all that. But I'm still really wondering, is that all true? Suddenly, a choice that was mine because everyone else's matter. I was told that people in my class hated me, that they were upset with me "behavior," that they were disappointed in me, that I was crazy, that even my friends didn't like me and talked behind my back, and that pretty much, "everyone" was mad.
And of course, what happens when you try to get to the bottom of it? Denial.
So what I'm trying to get at is not exactly my situation, but the fact that there'll be instances in life, which I've just ran into, when you're forced to question everything and everyone around you. You're told one thing about someone, and that other someone tells you it's not true. How do you really know who's telling the truth and who's not? The fact is that you're never gonna know, and you let it devour you. It consumes you and simply making it through the day without breaking down is an accomplishment. But the real truth is that you shouldn't let that happen, as impossible as it may seem. You've got to keep living your days and do what you want, believe who or what you want to believe.
But when things seem like they can't get worse, remember that time will make it better and that things won't stay that way forever.
This too shall pass.
until the next post
and love always,
dhenchh
- Mood:
exhausted
Let's make a list.
1. Shoot my English movie.
2. Read my Extended Essay book. Over 300 pages in two days.
3. Cook for Mothers' Day.
Joy.
After having spent a night in watching a depressing French movie, I'm depressed.
People want so much from life at the same time. Ultimate fame. Success. Power. Money. All eyes on you. Looks that kill. Flashy cars. Complete control of surroundings. A voice that brings others to tears. Confidence. Friends. Admirers. High speed internet. Energy. And last, but, somehow most, "Somebody to love."
When we go to bed at night, we sleep alone. And all we long for is "Somebody to love." Money, success, confidence, and all of the above, maybe with the exception of power, wouldn't be put on such a pedestal if we didn't have anyone to share it with. How else can you enjoy it?
Lately I've learned that people are mostly just looking out for themselves. Everybody talks. You have to watch what you say, what you do, who you're with. If you want something, get it yourself. We all doubt ourselves at one moment or another. We all feel like breaking down sometimes and screaming at the rest of the world. It's your life, not theirs. But just keep smiling :)
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Mood:
lonely
Nine years ago, we moved to America. The first thing I hear about is about this big, bad test called the SAT and how you would have to take it and how it pretty much determined your future. Great. I never thought the year would come until I had to be taking it. And this year it did.
Pretty much my whole life I've thought I was smart. Well, after this test that's been changed. The results just seemed so average...
So now it's as if all my dreams of going to some prestigious university on the East coast have been ruined because I seem to fall just under the category of what's being looked for. But then I think about all those kids in America... They've all got private tutors visiting their houses every week; junior year is a major training for the SAT for them; the culture is aware of it and supports it.
And here, it's different. Practically nobody knows about it, so you don't have anyone to go to if you want to talk about it, no one really fully supports it because they find it pointless, and there's definitely no one that makes a living in Holland by tutoring for the SAT's. And now it sounds like I'm making excuses, but when the environment is so anti-something, it's hard to motivate yourself to do it.
And now my mom keeps bringing up the SAT's and how I need to do them again. Not only on her face, but in her voice I feel the disappointment. It doesn't sound good. I don't like feeling sorry for myself, or to talk about it, but since some people might be able to relate to something like this, I wrote about it.
love always
until the next post,
dgenchh
- Location:the drill room
- Mood:
calm
So, today in English we were having a discussion about the lack of use of emotion in "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich."
To be honest, I did not enjoy reading the book AT ALL. I found that it was plain, boring, dry, and most of all emotionless. What has life ever been without emotion? Books, movies, wars, arguments, people, relationships, interactions, have all been caused by emotion. Or better yet, the decisions we make by listening to our emotions...
And now I wonder, is that really the best way to do it?
I don't know for sure, and I'm not some sage brooder who has experienced everything in life, but I'm starting to see how emotions may get in the way of logical thinking. I mean, war, for example has been caused by people's emotions, insecurities, fears, and desires. Destruction of friendships, relationships, groups, and other institutions are also caused by emotions. Yet, good things come out of emotions as well, like getting together with people you love, joining a new sports team, or organizing a new club. On a global scale, parnerships and allies are formed by common emotions. Yet this is the very thing that tears them and the rest of the world apart.
Have the ones in "One Day..." done the right thing by completely detaching themselves of any feelings towards events and people that may be or have been in their lives? Will Shukhov have gone insane agonizing about the loss of his wife, or sobbing hisself to sleep because he's piningfor the day of his release? People in such conditions will actually drive themselves crazy if they constantly remind themselves of their misery.
Even in the book "Grapes of Wrath," Tom Joad explains to his mother, who's afraid of their future in California, that one can't keep dwelling in their emotions. He describes his time in jail, and that he wouldn't be able to survive had it not been for the fact he only thought about the near future, like what was going to happen that day. He said that if he had thought about being released from prison the whole time, he wouldn't be fully sane when he got home.
I wonder what I'd do if I was in a prison for ages. Would I drive myself crazy crying? Or would I be forced to let go as well and think about everything I'm doing right at that moment? Hopefully it'll never have to happen.
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Location:behind bars
- Mood: content
Pressure.
Recently, I had a talk with a friend. She was upset because of a bunch of things that were going on, and she needed a bit of time on the phone to vent out. So, after a few good minutes of letting it all out, I told her that the amount of pressure we have right now is ridiculous.
I mean, we're in our teenage years. The years were the most perceptive to our environment, how people interact, tensions surrounding us, and what's happening. These are also the years we're aware of that perceptiveness, so in return, we know that we're in the spotlight.
High school is the time you find yourself, they always say. These are the best years of your life, they say. But are they really? When I was on the phone with my friend, we made a list of all the pressures we have on us: (I would say our list is more applicable for girls, but guys may share some of these too.)
1. Get good grades, but dont be a nerd. (??????????????)
2. Still look nice, but don't look like you're trying too hard. (???????????)
3. Spend enough time with your family so you're not a disappointment to your family.
4. Yet, have time to hang out with friends and let them know you're there for them.
5. And, if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, be the best boyfriend/girlfriend you can be! While doing all the rest flawlessly, too, of course.
6. Be fun, but still show others you're not all about having fun. (?????????)
7. Have some kind of future goal.
8. Keep up with extracurriculars, sports, or other things that keep you from losing your mind.
9. BASICALLY, be as well rounded and excellent at everything you do without making yourself or others unhappy.
So on top of these being the "best years of our lives" it's as if we're supposed to meet a set criteria of what we have to be.
Pretty soon, the ceiling will start caving in on you because of all the built up pressure. And even though you can see the cracks that will lead to tbe big explosion, there's nothing you can do to stop it. And I'm pretty sure when I say that if a girl reads this list, she'll agree completely.
But in the past year or so, I've learned that you can't always make everyone around you. I've always been someone who cares too much about my relationships with others; friends, family, whatever it is. Instead of trying to make myself happy I'd always focus on pleasing others. However, you can't go on living that way and I've noticed that for myself too. Sometimes you just need to do what makes you happy, or what you feel is right for yourself. Pretty soon people are going to have families and going to have responsibilities at work, or whatever field they're in. These are supposed to be the best years of our lives, but we're just making it harder on ourselves. That's why I try to have as many nights of doing absolutely nothing at all! (After I get all my responsibilities and other FUN STUFF done.)
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Mood:
productive
After reading Nathalie's blog on discrimination, I was inspired to write my own blog about discrimination.
Discrimination:
1. The act of discriminating, distinguishing, or noting and marking differences.
2. The state of being discriminated, distinguished, or set apart.
Ever since I was eight years old, I've studied history based all around this word. Although I knew what it meant, and what the decisions and events that took place because of it were, I never fully understood what it felt like to be the subject of it. When I lived in Holland I was still unaware because at the ages until you're eight, you're not as perceptive as you are after.
Living in California was easy. As much as don't like saying it, in California, most Hispanic people were the subject of discrimination. They were the minority, and since California had such close borders with Mexico, it makes sense, though not in a good way, that they became the scapegoats.
Then, moving back to Holland was a slap in the face.
The first day of school. When I told people my original nationality they seemed shocked.
"You're Turkish?!" "Aren't they all supposed to be ugly and weird?" "No offense, but why do you guys all smell...?"
No offense taken. Actually, rather than actually hurting my feelings with these kind of comments, it opened up my eyes to something I never knew existed before. Discrimination and stereotypes held against me! For all my life, even having lived in Holland, I wasn't aware of it, and from even the first day of school onwards, it didn't stop.
I was like the Mexican girl living in California.
But comments come and go. Obviously it's not pleasant to hear, especially, but I don't take it to heart, because it's not even worth wasting a second over being upset about it. Instead of wounding me, it's made me think on different terms. Nerdy terms. Like if Holland maybe needs a civil rights movement. Back in the day, black people in the US were being discriminated against, even by laws! So what would happen if minorities in Holland decided not to accept this shameful fate of being seen as "ugly" and "dirty" and took a stance. The African Americans in the US only won because they refused to accept being kicked down. It seems as if here the minorities have accepted it, and sometimes, this stereotype is almost an excuse for them to behave badly. Many may think, well, they may see me that way anyway. Why not just do whatever the hell I want?
Obviously, being considered a minority here, I don't see myself as feeling different here, than I did in California. Yet, I wonder what it'd be like if I stayed here instead of moving. Would I let my stereotype define myself?
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Location:the map
- Mood:
lethargic
This week was the first time in over a year that I stayed in Holland during a holiday. Yep, over a year. The last time I stayed here during a holiday was Christmas last year. Last year, during this time I went to Austria. Next, for spring break I went to Turkey. Then, during summer I went to the US, Turkey, and France. When DP1 began, and we had vacation in October, I went to London! Then, for Christmas we went back to the United States! Finally, it came to February vacation, and we stayed here.
And surprisingly, I really enjoyed it! No pressure of an airplane flight, having to figure out where to go, what to see, and where to eat. We could just stay here, relax, sleep in, and see friends whenever we wanted to! I really liked having the freedom to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Also, the ability to go back home and chill was a good option. :)
Another part of spending my vacation here were the parties. Everytime I would go off to another place for vacation, I always felt like I missed out on everything! I would see pictures of my friends together, or see them planning activities to do together, and I would be sulking on my computer seat. This time, I was part of the parties and get togethers that were planned! It sounds lame and conformist, but sometimes it's nice to be "there!"
Next vacation, however, I won't be here, because it is, of course, nice to get away at times, which is what I use my vacations for! Plus, I love seeing and experiencing new places! :)
until the next post
and love always,
dgenchh
- Location:holiday inn
- Mood:
pleased
First of all, it's a lot of pressure for the men's side. Often, young boys are engaged in relationships and feel like they need to be on some out of this world kind of behavior on that one day. What the women want, that's all in the world of the unknown, and they know that they need to come up with an extremely "cute" idea on their own. On the women's side, Valentines Day creates expectations. Expectations from their lover, that is. And when those tip top expectations aren't met for whatever reason, oh, no... All hell breaks loose! And there's some little, scared, and immature boy thinking "Hmmm... What went wrong? I got her the right chocolates right?"
But of course, I'm not saying women on Valentines Day are all bad. A lot of it comes from the media's pre set examples, that it's essential for couples to be grotesquely mushy and gushy with each other. That's why some have that example in their mind as the "right" one, and if the actual event of Valentines Day is nothing like their pre-set example, they feel like their Valentines Day has failed.
On the other hand, for those who are single, Valentines Day just seems like another nagging reminder telling them "HAHA you don't have anyone! Just look around at all the couples; don't you wish you had that?" And then, all the person who's yearning for a relationship can think of on Valentines Day is how they don't have anyone and that they'll end up living alone with 27 cats creeping around. And don't think I'm exaggerating, I've thought so myself before.
Yet, Valentines Day can have some nice aspects to it. If you're single on the hunt, it may be a chance to find out whether that special person is interested, and if you're taken, it may just be a chance to spend some extra time together. But when I've seen all the effects Valentines Day has had on people, the dark side tends to take over.
- Location:the candy heart
- Mood: peaceful
HOW THIS DAWNED ON ME?
My math teacher. I won't name any names.
I've had this teacher for about three years, starting from Year 3 at this school. First, she was my science teacher. You see, I used to be good at science until...
Science was all about being hands on and active and then once I was in this class it was all about memorization and being "an independent scientist" at the young age of 14 year old. A 14 year olf, immature, little girl does not have the capacity to fully memorize all the elements, atomic mass, and number, and all those other aspects of sciences. Science class turned into a mass of blurry books and talking. It wasn't exciting, fresh, or new to me anymore. Just another class where we sat around passively.
Next, I had this same teacher for my math class. As I've already mentioned, math and I have been enemies from the start. Yes, this bad relationship continued on as year 4 carried on. Math wasn't even a subject to me anymore. And I admit, it sounds absolutely terrible but it's true. However, as I had heard from other students in DP1, the math class I would be joining would have a different teacher. So I thought:
ONCE AGAIN, THE SAME TEACHER.
Anyway, the point I want to get at is reputation
Last month we took a test, where I got all the questions right except one of them. The test itself didn't specify for us to show our work, and we were working out of a formula booklet, therefore I didn't find it necessary at the time to re-write the formula on the test paper.
So today, we get the tests back. No, not a good grade as I was hoping for, because that only happens once every ice age with me for math. She gave me a barely passing grade because I didn't show my work. Understandable point, right?
However, had I shown more enthusiasm to work in her class during the past years, she may have let me off the hook. Since in her eyes I was a "4" student, another 4 was given.
Once a reputation built, it stays in the future. Unless you do something about it! Although I'm not sure if I'll change my "mathematical" reputation, this view might come in handy when I face new obstacles.
and love always
dgenchh
- Mood:
aggravated
